Bigger Than Balance

WEEK TWO

It’s when I reach Phase Three that I have my epiphany.  My initial reaction when I read it is to write “not so much.  Thank goodness.” in the margins.  But by the time I reach the end of this section, I’m writing “but am I?”

The reality is that my biggest issue – the thing that consumes me day-in and day-out – is something that affects my sense of who I am and, most importantly, constantly holds me back from doing and being who I want to be.  And as I read this section I  finally realise what I’ve been doing all these years:  Self-sabotage…big time.  

Yes folks, I wrote the book!

Jane Nead, Jewellery Designer-Maker, Choose Wear Love

WEEK TWO

Phase Two is even more like holding up a mirror.  Drs T&B, I salute you!  Inner whispers?  More like inner shouting.  All of it is so about me it hurts.  But it feels so fantastic to finally be understood, to finally know that I can escape these feelings of tension, irritation, anger and aloneness.  

As I work my way through checklists and questions, I understand why I’ve been feeling so physically washed out and exhausted.  I’m suffering from the physical symptoms of burnout, as well as the psychological ones.  I haven’t really looked after myself properly for years and this is part of the burnout cycle, the spiral that has pulled me in over many, many years of shoulds, musts and ought to’s; of guilt, self-criticism and a rare talent for setting myself up for failure.

Isn’t it about time I gave myself a break?

Jane Nead, Jewellery Designer-Maker, Choose Wear Love

WEEK TWO

The good news is, I’m actually further ahead than I thought.  I’ve admitted that I am burnt out, I’ve accepted that I am ‘burnout-prone’ and I am beginning to recognise the traits that got me here and keep me here.  In fact, I fit the burnout profile so amazingly well, I wonder if this is actually just tailored to me.  

Ok, so now I have to ‘own it’ and find out where I am in the burnout cycle. 

Well, all I can say is as far as ‘Phase One’ of the burnout cycle is concerned, I’m in it.  Up to my neck.  “It may not be unlike you to overdo, overwork, overinvolve, and overextend yourself.  True?” Duh, YEAH!!!  I’m secretly pleased (and probably a bit smug) that I am not in denial, that I can and do admit to all of it.  Yes I get obsessive about stuff, yes I have an overwhelming need to prove myself, and yes, I have lots and lots of nagging self-doubts.  

I’m frantically scribbling ‘YES YESSSS YESSSSSSS’ and underlining everywhere.  This is me alright.  

Jane Nead, Jewellery Designer-Maker, Choose Wear Love